No Surprises

A couple of seasons ago, when the first Sky Sports ‘Super Sunday’ of the season began, introducing Dion Dublin to the football commentary team, the start of the programme was clearly an interruption to a jovial off-air discussion. As Richard Keys welcomed Dublin to viewers, Dublin joked about the fun it sounded he was going to have from what he had just heard, as Keys, laughing, told him to “ssshhh, not on air”; Jamie Redknapp meanwhile pointed out there were some “good players” in the studio, while Andy Gray continued laughing. If that episode brought to mind the scene in The Office with Jennifer's realisation about Wernham Hogg that “…this is just one big boys club…” that was surpassed yesterday.

On a day when the recording of Keys and Gray’s off-air pitchside conversation at Wolves the previous day was released into the public domain, with views Kick It Out reasonably called “medieval in tone”, Keys opened ‘Super Sunday’, looking straight into the camera, with the one-word sentence, “Unsackable.” This was a supposed tenuous reference to Steve Keen, and Keys then led into a montage about Blackburn. When that finished, Keys introduced his guests, laughing along with him. The guests were Sam Alladyce (notorious for his belief that women know nothing about sport, as well documented by Marina Hyde, and brilliantly parodied by the tweeter @thebig_sam), and Ian Holloway (who as well as doing an excellent job at Blackpool, is a popular raconteur in the game whose arguably most famous allergy is about “pulling an ugly bird”).

It wasn’t much of a Super Sunday for live domestic football on Sky Sports all-in-all, with Marlon King scoring the opening goal in the first game of the day for Coventry against QPR; the misogyny displayed by Keys and Gray perhaps a glimpse into the darkness on the edge of football, that allowed King so seamlessly back into football after his very real crimes against women.

Casual Sexism has appeared elsewhere in recent times in television coverage of football: it is hard to imagine Paul Jewell speaking to any man like he spoke to Claire Tomlinson in her short-time presenting ‘Goals on Sunday’, although it is possible gender may not have been a factor in the less than gracious way Sir Alex Ferguson dealt with a post-match interview with Rebecca Lowe on ESPN last-season.

The face of the Sky Sports Football team is in sharp contrast to the excellent Sky Sports News channel, where there are many excellent women sports journalists at the fore, including the presenter Charlie Webster, who is currently undertaking an FA Level 2 Coaching Badge, and plans to work with the FA to encourage more female participation.

As several tweeters pointed out at yesterday, it is hardly a surprise that Keys and Gray have ignorant, out-dated views – they have been calling Liverpool a top four club for the best part of the season; in fact they have had so much airtime over the years, we all know how bad their judgement is. But is hard to believe they have never had any intelligent conversations about football with women, and more likely instead to assume they just don’t listen.

Twitter has also shown in the wake of the recording, that I am one of many men who want to make it clear, they don’t speak for us.

The belligerence shown by Keys yesterday is a reminder why an apology is not a strong enough sanction. The fact the comments were not intended for air are not an excuse, as that conversation is a window in the heart of darkness of two Sky Sports employees who give their personal opinions on the game to the football nation every week.

It may make ‘The Last Word’ interesting viewing for a change tonight, which is unfortunately scheduled against the most enjoyable football programme on Television at the moment  - ESPN’s ‘Talk of the Terrace’.

‘Talk of the Terrace’s main presenter is Kelly Cates, a former Sky Sports News Presenter, and of course daughter of Kenny Dalglish, who reportedly began his press conference this morning by asking the Sky Sports reporter if he minded having a women journalist in the room.

If there is a direct apology from Keys and Gray tonight, I fear the last word may be ‘”luv.”

Halfway between the Gutter and the Season ending in ‘1’

In the lead up to Christmas, Sky Sports showed their ‘Premiership Years’ series on a daily basis, a welcome late-night alternative to the rolling news of cars not being able to start in the snow for body-clocks like mine, still on Ashes time, but with the Third Test over all too quickly.

Each episode of the Premiership Years (a self-contained review of each of the league seasons from when Sky pretends football began) is stretched out over two-hours not just so Sky can run lots of trailers with their awful Christmas music during the commercial breaks, but because, as well as football highlights, the programmes show how Sky Sports introduced and covered certain live matches at the time, as well as events of the day.

So, of course hindsight is important in the final compilation; and, as we are now at the halfway point of the Premiership Season, and coming towards the end of the festive period, it is an interesting time to look ahead to how a ‘Premiership Years 2010-11’ programme might look in the future, and reflect on the season so far. (It is also traditional - as Bart Simpson once said in one of the many Simpsons Christmas Special, people have been recycling Charles Dickens’s Christmas Carol idea for years).

A significant footballing event that won’t be ignored in any future Sky Sports retrospective of the season will be the award of the World Cups to Russia and Qatar respectively, the first at the expense of England. And perhaps they could play that footage to Pink Floyd’s ‘Money’, as they go on to note that as 2011 starts, Sepp Blatter announces he is setting-up an anti-corruption unit, which is likely to be as effective as the self-regulation of banking by the FSA, as the guttersnipe smell of corruption lingers around FIFA like murder follows Miss Marple.

There is no doubt of the footballing highlight so far this season, Barcalona’s mastercalss against Real Madrid. The Premiership Years does mention the odd non-Premier League event, and this would surely get a mention, even though it is unlikely that Andy Gray’s recent suggestion - that Lionel Messi isn’t totally proven because he hasn’t done it at Stoke away - will make a compilation in which every effort is made to seem their analysts wise. (And with analysts like Gray, Graeme Souness and Jamie Redknapp, that is some effort).

A constant of all the highlights programmes are the seasons managerial comings and goings; it won’t be just be hindsight that will make both footage of Hollieur’s opening press conference at Aston Villa and Chris Hughton pulling out of the Newcastle car park after his disgraceful treatment, look like bizarre board decisions in years to come.

Also no doubt the turmoil of Liverpool will be heavily featured, with the protracted sale of the club, and their poor playing form continued over from last season. And with Rafa Benetiz in his “holiday home” in the Wirral, the best (or worst for Liverpool fans), may be yet to come.

This season has had one other moment when one of Benetiz’s other strange judgement calls, aside from his choice of vacation in the coldest December on record, was highlighted: at the same time as Xavi Alonso was at the centre of a fluid Spanish team at Hampden Park in November, Gareth Barry (the man Benetiz tried to bring to Liverpool while attempting to sell Alonso) was resembling a fish out of water at Wembley Stadium as England were being outplayed by a French side who just months earlier looked like The Joke Team of International Football.

Benetiz’s reputation as a Manager is now proving to be one of the mysteries of the contemporary times, like the location of Richey Edwards, and the popularity of Chris Evans. It is ironic some Liverpool fans are singing his name while calling for Hodgson’s head, and after Mike Ashley’s appointment of Kevin Keegan a couple of seasons ago, they could rue what they ask for from new owners.

New owners who do seem to have already made a statement of intent about the footballing vision they want, are those at Blackburn. While a subsequent highlights package will no doubt focus on poultry, and Graham Taylor’s chicken boycott, the fact that they said they let go of Sam Alladyce because they didn’t like his style of football is refreshing.

It was leaked at the time that there were disagreements over transfer targets, and with Blackburn now being linked with Ronaldinhio there could be truth in that; while Ronaldinhio was the central playmaker when Brazil won the World Cup in 2002, was named World Player of the Year in 2005 and 2006, and looked in good form in the Champions League for Milan this season, Big Sam may have had doubts about how he performs on prozone. His goal against England in 2002 was from outside of the box, and shooting from outside the area was something Alladyce used to fine his players at Bolton for. And, as Big Sam’s mate Andy Gray might point out, Ronaldinihio may be okay pissing all over at Real Madrid away in El Classico, but he is unproven at Stoke on a cold night.

Meanwhile, there is no doubt who has been the signing of the season so far, Rafa Van Der Vaart. A bargain in today’s market at £8m, in the 16 games he played for Spurs in the Premier League and European Cup since making his debut in September until his last game of the calendar year, he has scored 10 goals and had 6 assists. He is a leader on the field, and has a deftness of touch exemplified in his assist to Gareth Bale for Tottenham’s first goal in the away win at the Emirates, and his lay-off, again to Bale, in the sparkling move that led to his own second goal away at Aston Villa on Boxing, which proved to be the winner.

And it is Bale himself, who has been the Premier League player of the season so far, and in fact the PL player of the whole calendar year, since finally being given a chance against Peterborough in the FA Cup one year ago this week. That day he was at left-back, which looked like his natural position, and he ran the game, and got two assists. Playing from left-wing all this season, where he finished last season in fine form, he also scored ten goals in all competitions up until the end of the year, with key assists in big games, and some stunning individual performances, particularly at the San Siro, where he scored three excellent goals, that were a pleasure to witness.

And as Tottenham continue to push on at home and in Europe we can be sure that one thing that won’t make the Sky Sports Season review is Andy Gray’s analysis of the Champions League draw, when he predicted all the clubs from the home nations, including Glasgow Rangers, would qualify, apart from Spurs. Not that he is the only football pundit that is continually dismissive of Spurs, but thankfully as this is a Sky Sports package, there will be no Lawrenson and Hansen.

Below is my Team of Premier League players, based on the first –half of the season, and so unbiased it includes a gooner. The team will probably differ from what Andy Gray himself may pick now – it doesn’t have Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard or John Terry in, which seems to be compulsory. And Gray may now also pick Chris Baird, following his two excellent goals over the Christmas period, because they came away at Stoke, and as Gray has told us, that is the real litmus test.

Premier League XI of the first-half of the season 2010-2011:

(4-4-1-1)

Joe Hart; Nedum Onuoha, Vincent Kompany, Nemanja Vidic, Leighton Baines; Nasri, Scott Parker, Luka Modric, Gareth Bale; Rafa Van Der Vaart; Andy Carroll.

Subs: Paul Robinson, Scott Dann, Phil Neville, Charlie Adam, Tim Cahill, Carlos Tevez, Dimitar Berbatov.